Well, I just got off an interactive video discussion talking about the transition of power here in Louisiana as Governor-Elect John Bel Edwards prepares to begin his first term in Baton Rouge next Monday. I arrived to the conversation late. To be honest, I was planning on just observing the conversation via a YouTube stream, but the streaming software failed, and I was invited to join the actual video discussion. I had to scramble to find my headset, and then to find a location in the house I felt was suitable to use as a backdrop behind me.
I really enjoy being a part of these types of discussions, but still feel I have a face more suited for radio instead of video or TV. I know I have the knowledge and background to bring a valid perspective to the discussion, but I still have to push myself to participate instead of observe.
While I try not to let it live rent free in my head, a personal attack a former co-worker spewed during an argument seems to always creep into the back of my mind. He had been sent a link to an older version of this blog (website) where I had shared some the memories we had made during our recent visit to New Orleans during Mardi Gras with our family and friends. I had also mentioned the plans we had to enjoy the upcoming Easter weekend with family at a retreat at Toledo Bend.
His comment was “Do you really think anyone gives a sh*^ about what you think? You think that little blog is anything more than a dumb-ass waste of your MFing time?” (edited to spare any delicate personas) While I know it was vengeful spiteful bile spewed by someone that was doing everything in his power to hurt my feelings, I’ve never been able to shake it completely. While it was only his opinion, I already doubt myself, I am absolutely my biggest critic, and I question my own abilities enough that it rears its ugly head whenever I try to be creative, or try to “get back on the horse” as I like to call my process of getting to my new normal.
I’ve been blessed thus far that every time this idiot‘s words creep into my thoughts, my dad’s advice to me on my wedding day rolls right over it. He told Brunella and I “The only two people you have to make happy in this world are each other! F everyone else and do what makes you both happy!” May be crude, but he always spoke from his heart, he didn’t take crap from anyone, and he made sure you knew where he stood.
I’ve got a few things on the back burners so to speak as we trek into 2016. I am trying to “get back onto the horse” on so many fronts, as you will read about as things become official. Without giving away too much on this particular back burner, I saw a news release a while back about someone I call a friend getting a new gig, which included a request for help at his new gig. The help they need is a job I have always wanted, so I called him and asked for “a shot” as the gig. It is absolutely a long shot, but he didn’t say no. Hasn’t said yes yet either, but you’ll never get the things you want if you are too afraid to ask for them.
Everyone has doubts. Every person fears the unknown. I’ve been told I always have a plan, and I would have to say that is pretty accurate. The reason for that is I know that things don’t always happen as we would like. The only way I have found not to constantly fail is that I try to plan for every contingency, so I can refine my plan as we hit the bumps, and make as much lemonade as possible out of whatever is thrown my way.
It doesn’t always work. My worst fear is regretting that I never tried.